Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
