he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
