I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize