you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
