They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
