Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
