dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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