U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
