I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
