No awkward lesbian experiences without me
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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