fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
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