I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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