Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
