I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
it was like eating out sand paper
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
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