i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Randomize
