I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
