If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize