Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
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