It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Randomize
