Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
