Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Randomize
