I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
