just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I can feel your judgement through the phone
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize