Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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