i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
