Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Randomize
