overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Randomize
