I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Randomize
