I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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