I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
im holly from the hills drunk
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
