Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
