i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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