To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
