So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Randomize
