you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
