It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
