is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
