Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
