Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
