my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
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