I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
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