i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Randomize
