i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
