sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
