ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
