Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
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