If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
