he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
