How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize