I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
