It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
