Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Randomize