hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Randomize
