Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
