i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
