I don't think brook has ever known best
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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