At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Randomize
