Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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