I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
