what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
