It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
