She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
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