I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
