Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
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