Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
lol hangovers are for mortals.
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