I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
