You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
