I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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