if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
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